Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I was born this way.

I know my typing is pretty shitty but it's better than my writing. That's some type of preface to whatever I was trying to put down tonight. I've become offput by this feeling that we are so separate from ourselves as people that we have grown to feel that the plastic hallways we are free to roam are the extent of who we are. We have to be told why sleep is good and food is bad. We subsist on little pills of "sanity" and incredibly screwed up images of ourselves. We are living on this planet because that's what we do.
This is a circuitous way of explaining that we live in the world of people and not that of this living planet. I don't trust this society we have built for ourselves. I guess I should because we are an incredibly adaptable species but something ain't right about the time spent in little tubes and boxes, escaping in chemicals, and killing ourselves.
Why, for the love of god, where we given this ability to ask but no one to answer. This sucks. I wish I was a member of some religicult so my answers would be in one book and some wise dude with a cool costume would tell me about it.
Before this stupid idea of separating church and state, we didn't have that problem. I should dig up Martin Luther and straighten his zombie corpse out. Of course, I would probably be hanging in a cage over some sea for my misguided thoughts but at least I would have answers.

I'm tired of all the bullshit subarbanites writing to the paper to explain why America kicks ass and Freedom is the shit and it smells like steak. The concept of freedom is about as difficult as love or Jesus. At one time I believed the entire evolution of the organic form was the efforts of the life force trying to free itself in the placement of every branch, leaf, or cell. That is tied somehow to my offbeat idea that all physical forms are energy bonded in time. Woo hoo. If it barely makes sense to me and I can't get the words out in a cohesive manner then it is a flawed idea, right.
That mud puddle drains into a mental sewage of questions. Is this freedom like when your parents give you a hundred dollars and send you to the mall. You can go in any store and buy a few shiny things but you can only go to the lame stores in the building and the funky smelling food court. And this is the mall we're blowing up Iraqis for. I get the sense that the American experiment has gone astray and we don't know how to fix it. You have to go to your job and pay taxes and buy gas and talk about sports. The man will come after you if you don't. He'll incarcerate you and call it rehabilitation. This is wrong. How do we live right?
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